Never Knew

I'm doubting myself a lot nowadays.
Since graduate I feel like I have lost confidence, control and directions in life, slowly but surely.
I'm doubting my abilities, skills and the path I'm currently taking.

The thoughts that have never crossed my mind now starting to stay.

I know I am not someone that likes to dwell in misery and depression thoughts, in fact I hated it .
I hated how it affect my emotions, mood and the energy around me and making me doubting myself easily.

I understand perfectly this is not the end of the world or any world crisis and there is so much more difficulties to come in this life and that scares me. The uncertainties in life is scaring me.

Dazed and Confused

This is my first solo trip with my sis, just both of us. Just like the title of my post, my Hong Kong trip pass by daze and confuse (not the magazine)
Hong Kong is not really what I have in mind.
First I hurt my left toe because my stupid sneaker is not comfortable enough and now ended up having a blue black on my left toe *sob*
Second it's too hot there. I mean although it's the same as Malaysia but I have to walk a lot in HK it's super exhausting.
Lastly the aftermath of consuming dairy food there is terrible. I know I can't consume dairy but almost every good food there contain dairy I cannot not eat right? I DID NOT EXPECT my skin to be flooded with BUNCH of small pimples and I look super awful now :(

I AM SO NOT GONNA CONSUME DAIRY ANYMORE, LIKE I SWEAR !
THIS TIME ROUND IS THE WORST EVER!

In conclusion, I don't really like Hong Kong, or maybe not really my cup of tea, I'm sorry.

Depressing is an understatement

June just barely started and it's just the 8th, I am so done.

First I knew something I shouldn't, from someone I don't even know and I am so disappointed and sad that I can't even describe how I feel, but that's okay I try to look pass it because it's just a small matter and try to focus on my coming Korea trip with my best friend, just let loose and have fun. But things just won't go smoothly as you wished and here come MERS, stop me from going, my air ticket and accommodation is all burned.

I am currently a jobless, penniless, and depressing cha bor, here writing my blog instead of sending my portfolio to more companies.

PS: I miss college life already.

IM NOT READY

Yesterday was the last assessment of my 3 years diploma life in lasalle.
I'm GRADUATING!  *Tears
I feel happy, excited, sad and lost. (ok I know I feel a lot, but thats exactly how I feel now)
Happy that I am no longer a student and finally graduating and excited to go to the industry to try new stuff , meet new people and earn my own money! But at the same time sad that I no longer can meet my classmates/friends that often and lost because I am now really going to the real scary industry to work but I'm not ready. (this is crazy, I can't imagine)

Despite feeling this and that I am now trying to chill and sharpen my skills and do stuff that I enjoy doing.

Finally finished editing the video of my japan trip, I did it with blood and sweat because premium pro decide to betray me and crash so I had to use iMovie and the file is freaking huge I had to convert to upload this and that and just wasted the whole day for something that can actually finished in half a day, but anyways enjoy. I will edit my disneyland videos and images soon!

21st on 18th

18 FEB 2015, CHINESE NEW YEARS EVE, The day I turn 21, The day I'm officially legal.

People said after the 21st birthday, time pass by faster.

To me, I don't feel any difference (or maybe it's too soon to say)

Thank you to those who celebrated my birthday with me.

<3

My 2014

It's 7.00 a.m in the morning and I'm still awake.
2014 had been a good year, I've learned a lot.
Dreams comes slow but they go fast.
You need to fight or work had for what you want, take every opportunity when it comes to you.
Good and bad things happen, we can't control them,
but we are capable to control how we react.
If bad things happened take it as a lesson and learn from it. Be strong.
It's easier said than done, I'm still struggling to learn.
People come and go, things change, and people too.
Not everyone are genuinely nice.
Don't always take things too seriously, you will only get yourself hurt.
Be with your family, cherish every minute you have with them
because they are the only one who will be there no matter what happened.
I'm happy and thankful for everything that had happened in my life,
to those people who had loved me and had been there for me when I needed them,
Thank you.
Bye 2014.

251114

Just finished edited the photos Alison and I took from the last project week

Just did a little editing to my blog I read all my old post and 

they make me cringe,cry and laugh so hard that I ended rolling on the floor 

so I decided to revert all the post to draft.

211114

A new post with all the photos I took with my phone in the pass few months, 

this is basically a space for me to store my images.

I really do miss my old "grey hair" colour and that length 

tbh I kind of feel that this latest short short hair isn't that nice on me :(

should I dyed it and grew back or something?

"PUTYOURMOTHERFUCKINHANDSUP"

K

A refreshment is needed

Much love for the kat woman and the hate for my hair , not just a bad hair day its terrible.

tired and ugly thats why we love each other! Love her for the ugliness and un-glam-ness.

I hurt my knees so bad , and bruises on my legs , 

being a photographer assistant is not easy, they do not realised I'm actually a girl ,

but whatever it is after a few more weeks I'll be free from all this shit, this is just a stepping stone. 

OH new header image which I draw few days ago!

I've  found new interest , I love to get involved in everything I love .

A wake up call

Recently I came across this quote by sky and it actually woke me up from my comfort zone .

"I don't think things over before I do it. I'm not like : maybe if I do this , it'll lead into this? 
its more like:I did this, maybe I shouldn't have done that..."

I'm always afraid , a scary cat or maybe worst a coward, and think too much into things . I think and think and think and it ends up nothing, doing nothing.
I'm always like : Oh if I did this maybe I will fail , or maybe people might not like it or so. Its the what ifs and the maybes that stopped me.
I know a little thinking or consideration before doing things is good, it prevent us to get into trouble , but sometimes too much of it that might stop people for doing great things, because maybe who knows it will end up great after trying.

And that day I randomly asked my dad about his business how he first started and things like that and asked him when he first started his business didn't he think of failure like what if this business fails?and  the money, effort will be gone . His answer is just short and sweet . Nope. 

That's when it really hits me, people who thinks about failure even before they start is a loser.Right, that's why I have to change this attitude of mine, cause I'm not a loser ! I don't want to end up one .

My boss always tell me that when you meet with problem don't just stop there or worst avoid it, just think of a way out , there's always way out .

I don't know why recently I'm always writing this kind of things (like a self note), maybe because I've turned 20 and turned mature? Or maybe I've read more, see more and know more and get inspire by things around me? I don't know, maybe.

Anyway life is short and I have to chase my dreams. I cannot let my attitude chain me down . I have to be brave and positive .

Don't be afraid to try, it isn't scary, nothing is more scary that death , so don't be afraid .Do what you want to do , cause we are young , I am young , take risk and stop the thinking and do it now!

210514

Since I'm on holiday , I'm working as a photographer assistant .
I've been liking photography since the start of college , Or maybe I always thought I love it.
Although i just barely stared my job as a assistant for just few days , I've learn a lot .

After talks and advise from some experience people(my boss's friends), and hands on job, I have a different thought about photography, honestly it's not what I've expected , maybe I always thought it was easy like how anyone else would have thought of .
But no! it's not just a camera, a studio and a few lightnings will do the trick, everything is not just how it seems .

Behind a simple beautiful photo nobody knows how it was taken how the set was setup and every angle of the lights,how the photo editing goes, the perfection of on every each of the photographs, if you are not the photographer or the asssiatant her or himself you will not know how tedious it is.
It's not easy I have to say.

So I was staring to wonder again, was photography just a sudden interest or I do really have passion in it? I don't know . I really don't .

They told me not to be timid, there is nothing to be afraid of , if I ever fail try again, cause I'm still young , they say.
But somehow I think otherwise, now in this fast pace world everything need to be fast.

FAST, if you're slow, you're not going to make it .
EASY, nothing is easy my dad always told me, people have to work for what they want,
learn from experience. Nothing comes easy.
CREATE OPPORTUNITY . If opportunity doesn't come to you , go look for them , create them , be proactive.
BE PREPARE. Great chances raly come to us, maybe only once in a life time , be prepare it will come anytime, when it comes hit it hard!


The successful people nowadays are getting younger by the age , now I am writing this post at the age of 20 , I really want to be successful , be able to inspire people, but most imporatant to earn a living , isn't it why we study so hard , work so hard for?  Just to survive in this realistic and competitive world ?

Maybe just one day I will be a successful photographer, for commercial or maybe fashion, a graphic designer ,an illustrator or a stylist perhaps? Or maybe not. I don't know .

Anyway this post is just a reminder for myself ,to really think about what I want and to plan the future, a wake up call for myself. 

FAB FEB

FAB FAB FAB I LOVE FEBRUARY CAUSE IT'S THE MONTH OF MY BIRTHDAY 

Much love to these guys came all the way to Singapore to have dinner with me when it was supposed to be the last gathering before Sarah leaving for Aussie and instead you guys gave me a surprise , gan dong people i'm so gan dong , Thank you , ai si ni men!

 A picture with the pinky pinky girl and how can I not post a picture of us? 

Dinner with family at Bierhaus on weekend.

 the pork knuckle was awesome

 4 season or something was this dish's name i can't even remember ,but we ate a lot felt like we haven't eat for a long time the poor waitress must have been so shocked .

On monday K BBQ dinner with Sumin , Desmond and Kat , after some soju & beer pleases forgive my face.

Last but not least had sushi lunch together with Alison and the Annoying Kayla! wo ye ai si ni ohhhhhhhhhh

I know its kind of late to post this now but it's better late than never to the people who wished me , celebrated with me wooyeahhh wo ai ni men! <3
Thank you.